What me worry?

I dream about the day i can just worry about comedy. Right now i have to worry about where to do comedy, when to do comedy, who will come watch the comedy, and how to escape if the comedy goes wrong. If all this goes according to plan, THEN i have to worry about being funny.

Maybe comedians in Pakistan will start to evolve differently than comedians other places in the world.

We will tell our punch-lines first and if they do not evoke a violent reaction then we can tell everyone the rest of the joke.

We will compliment people in the audience so profusely they get embarrased.

We will crack lots of ‘my momma’ jokes get offended at ourselves and give people their money back.

I don’t know why we find it very hard to laugh at ourselves, but we comedians should have secret plans drawn up those of us who perform in dangerous countries

Pakistani comedians should start performing from inside the audience so no one can tell who is telling the joke. People would not know who you are,  and most comedians are practically invisible anyways.

The mic wire should be made razor thin just in case someone attacks us on stage, this way we can strangle them while still performing. Actually, i think comedians all around the world will appreciate this.

And finally should try not to be funny, if you are not funny no one can come after you, but if you are hilarious chances are you have pissed off someone.

The Return of the Comedy

Only a few weeks left till we debut our new comedy show! So far the title is ‘SAAD HAROON: Still Alive!’  (last year it was Very Live!)

Have only been writing it for a YEAR now so no pressure, it just has to be the funniest thing i have done so far, no pressure.

Have around 40 minutes of material… i think… need 10 more minuets in 10 days, or i need to kill all the other comedians in the world, then ill have lots of time.

Somedays are good, i came up with this bit and tried it at a LUMS show we did last week:

Girls are always saying “Treat me like a princess” But they never specify which princess. So i always say “OK, go to sleep… and dont wake up till i kiss you. Im going out with my friends, can you throw your hair down the balcony so i can climb down? See you later Princess”

Some days i come up with stranger thoughts like:

“Brains and Balls and Liver taste disgusting until you add a funky beat: Kut-a-kut, kut-a-kut, kut-a-kut, kut-a-kut”

My laptop hates me now, i sit and stare at it these days like a shopkeeper stares at a girl in jeans at Sunday Bazaar.  Give me jokes laptop.

We are also taping the entire process of the making of the show, and the director Shahjahan  sat and heard all my jokes yesterday, the good ones and the really bad ones. He didn’t quit so the show cant be that bad. We had a long debate on if we can use swear words during the show. I still cant make up my mind, it is really fun to swear, but then we risk offending so many people and also swearing is easy, i don’t really want the comedy to be funny because i said ’shit’ out loud. Some jokes require you to swear, but most do not.

Ok, back to writing comedy, nobody will buy tickets to this blog.

My new life

Now that blogs seem to be becoming a thing of the past and the internet community with its combined attention span of 3 seconds starts to focus on tweeting, i now feel much more comfortable blogging. In life i think it is always much more fun to root for the underdog and now that a blog is just uncool enough to be cool here is my second one, 8 months late but… it is no fun to come to a party on time anyway. 

Was traveling for a while trying to get inspired but mostly i just got broke. I experienced first hand the might of the all powerful Dollar as it bashed my wallet to a pulp and left me with nothing but a return ticket. For such an expensive currency it really has some cheap tricks. Got back to good old Karachi and i was blown away by the heaviest winds and rain since 1977. I was born in 1977 and as i sat in the void of electric that always follows such a downpour i wondered if i should take the storm as a sign, a signal, a divine kick-in-the-butt that is is now time to start a new life.

Why not.

Today: new blog

Tomorrow: New life

A New Day!

SO

On the eve of my new website, which will be up and running in a few days, i have decided to start a blog. I still have not reconciled completely with this idea of keeping a diary that everyone can read, and i do feel the need to get some kind of digital pillow to hide this blog under. 

But because i sometimes find myself in strange noteworthy situations that people might like to read about, without further ado i Blog!